I Hate Everyone, Except You
(By Clinton Kelly)
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| Author | Clinton Kelly |
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore-unknown secrets about himself, like that he’s a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey’s premier water parks, and perhaps the world’s least enthused high-school commencement speaker.
Whether he’s throwing his baby sister in the air to jumpstart her cheerleading career or heroically rescuing his best friend from death by mud bath, Clinton leaps life’s social hurdles with aplomb. With his signature wit, he shares his unique ability to navigate the stickiest of situations, like deciding whether it’s acceptable to eat chicken wings with a fork on live television (spoiler: it’s not). Clinton delves into all these topics—and many more—in this thoroughly unabashedly frank and uproarious collection.
Kamikaze --
Brilliant ideas --
Auditions, the universe, and other whatnot --
Memorizing porn --
Turd in the punchbowl --
Freakin' fabulous, the sitcom --
The switch --
Clinton for president! --
You young, me restless --
Textbook penis --
Stockholm syndrome --
The way it went --
I'm waiting --
Your a psychopath --
Salad days --
Rich and famous --
Afterword”
